The Murdersofa's Kill List

"Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To" (murdersofa) 08/28/2014 at 14:05 • Filed to: MURDERSOFA

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A list of cars I've smashed in races

1998 Chevy Cavalier

2014 Chevy Sonic (base model)

2005 Chrysler PT Cruiser GT Cabriolet

2005 Volkswagen Passat TDI Wagon

1999 Chevy Silverado V6

2008 Ford Mustang V6

19?? BMW 3-series

19?? BMW 3-seires (yes two of them. Same day. Both driven by douchebags)

Saturn something-or-another

EDIT: lol picture got kinja'd because of course it did

Vince-The Roadside Mechanic > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:08

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Good job.

K-Roll-PorscheTamer > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:08

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Ima gonna put you on my list. :p

claramag, Mustaco Master > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:09

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So when you say smash...is this some derby racing stuff going on? Some online forza level car-fu?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > claramag, Mustaco Master 08/28/2014 at 14:12

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Just people who pull up next to me at lights and start revving their engines because they see a red stripe on a Buick and think their poorly-maintained rusty 3-series can keep up. Not exceeding the speed limits or anything, just seeing who can hit it the fastest.

HammerheadFistpunch > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:13

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I think I could take you, I took a base model Impreza 2.5i the other day.

claramag, Mustaco Master > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:14

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Someone's out there redlight racing in a base Sonic? That's almost as ridiculous as the PT cruiser one

mcseanerson > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:15

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People actually race at red lights still? The only people I see doing anything like this anymore are bro trucks.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > HammerheadFistpunch 08/28/2014 at 14:15

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It's likely. The only reason I beat anyone is because most cars around here have hundreds of thousands of miles on them with very little maintenance, but "I GOTTA BEEMER YOOOOOOO" or "IT'S A MUSTANG THAT MAKES IT FAST" mentality seems to override common sense.

I have no idea how I beat the 'stang though. These cars were equal in power when *new* and mine has a ton of miles on it. Must have been driver skill.

*flips hair*

McMike > claramag, Mustaco Master 08/28/2014 at 14:15

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So when you say smash...is this some derby racing stuff going on?

Dreams. It's probably dreams.

Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:18

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Remind me, how many HP does that pinstripe add?

T5Killer > mcseanerson 08/28/2014 at 14:21

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Every time I drive my cobra to the people try to race me from the light. But that's what I get because its loud and cammed.

MultiplaOrgasms > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:22

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Your Buick is an Automatic innit? => Drag transmission

claramag, Mustaco Master > McMike 08/28/2014 at 14:24

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So the Murdersofa kills...dreams. That's some disney evil shit right there

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > MultiplaOrgasms 08/28/2014 at 14:26

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Adds 400 hp.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Mr. Ontop, No Strokes, No Smokes...Goes Fast. 08/28/2014 at 14:26

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All of them.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > mcseanerson 08/28/2014 at 14:27

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Matte black car + red stripe + loud exhaust = invitation for everyone to try racing me, it seems.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > claramag, Mustaco Master 08/28/2014 at 14:27

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The PT Cruiser was my mom's car. The Sonic was my mom's... rental car.

Whooo~~

Racescort666 > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:31

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When I lived in Wichita, I got a ride home from a waitress who drove a V6 mustang. We both agreed that it was not fast. Although I was very drunk at the time.

EL_ULY > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:31

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whoooo!

*holds up hand to give you a high five*

MonkeePuzzle > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:33

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mr2gud2u > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:33

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Man I'm jealous. My kill list is pretty short. The only guys that want a piece of my grocery getter is sport bike guy and middle age vette guy. I can't imagine how satisfying clowning bummer guy is. I bet its hard to even express it with words, but please try.

mr2gud2u > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:34

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I love that name! Murdersofa very cool.

treesmakewater > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:39

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Weight, transmissions, and maintenance are key factors for older cars.

My mom's friend has a v6 must and and thinks its fast. Sometimes she will rev it when she starts it up. That sound makes my ears bleed.

treesmakewater > mr2gud2u 08/28/2014 at 14:43

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my kill list is very short as well.

1.95ish maxima

2.eclipse (don't even ask me the year, I hate that car)

3. 2006ish Malibu

4. 2005 ram 1500 5.7 quad cab

My losses are even lower though

1. Baby blue supercharged miata.

thebigbossyboss > mr2gud2u 08/28/2014 at 14:45

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I drive a 2003 Cavalier. Some guy tried to race me in a 2010 or newer AMG MB. I don't know why nor did I try to race back, but he was glaring at me and revving his engine the whole light.

I revved back a bit, but didn't race. OF course he is going to whop my sorry little car. He's got 2x the cylinders at least!

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > EL_ULY 08/28/2014 at 14:50

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YEAH

*high five*

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > MonkeePuzzle 08/28/2014 at 14:50

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I'm thinking of doing that on my busted up bumper with a "tailgaters" label next to it

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > mr2gud2u 08/28/2014 at 14:53

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He refused to look at me, sped past at about 10 over the limit and turned off at the next light.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > mr2gud2u 08/28/2014 at 14:58

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I think it was actually JayhawkJake's idea.

ACESandEIGHTS > MonkeePuzzle 08/28/2014 at 14:58

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Oh hells yes. Already cool with the A-Team racing stripe. Instantly 14% cooler with the tally marks.

ly2v8-Brian > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 14:59

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LeSabre dominates

Chteelers > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 15:00

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driven by douchebags

Kettle, meet pot. Don't street race. Your kill list is as unimpressive as your judgement.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > treesmakewater 08/28/2014 at 15:01

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It weighs less than you'd think given its dimensions, and I've got a chip-tune that makes the transmission many orders of magnitude more responsive, as well as an intake that is so big it actually causes almost as many problems as it has benefits due to lack of intake vacuum, and a custom exhaust.

Of course, working the other way is the 222,000 miles on the engine.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Chteelers 08/28/2014 at 15:02

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Not sure how it's irresponsible to give your cars the beans from a light on a highway that has a 60mph speed limit. It's the exact same as normal driving, you just get to the speed limit faster.

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 15:46

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You and me. Sable VS Le Sabre. GM vs Ford. DOHC vs Pushrods. The more debated race in the senior housing communities.

Chteelers > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 15:47

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Because you can lose control and kill someone when street racing. At speeds well below 60. And I know you don't stop racing right at 60 anyways.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier 08/28/2014 at 15:55

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DOHC will likely win.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Chteelers 08/28/2014 at 15:57

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1. FWD cars making less than 250hp in dry conditions. Losing control isn't going to happen.

2. No reason to keep going. Win/loss is easily told by then anyway.

treesmakewater > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 16:16

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if my trans wasn't so fragile I would get a tune... Does that exhaust sound good?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > treesmakewater 08/28/2014 at 16:30

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I like it quite a lot. A little bit of a drone at some points but not terrible. My trans is pretty much made of glass but it's taking the tune like a champ. Probably wouldn't put a shift kit on it though.

Chteelers > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 16:55

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1. Losing control isn't going to happen... until it does. Things happen out of your control on public roads. Gravel in the road you didn't see. A car pulls out from a side road. Watching the other driver, you put a wheel in the grass. Racing on a public road is irresponsible and indefensible. Countless families have been ripped apart by exactly your type of behavior, so think about possibly killing someone next time. Really think about it, because it does happen. I hope you either stop, or get your car impounded, before it happens to you.

2. What is a win? Your boring car was marginally faster than some other boring cars. What special skill does this take? Go to an autocross, man. Prove than you can out-drive other cars in your class there, and you'll really be able to boast about something that other car people will genuinely respect. Any dope can mash the right pedal.

treesmakewater > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 16:58

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if it has made it to 220K I wouldn't call it glass. The Nissan CVT is glass XD

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > Chteelers 08/28/2014 at 17:11

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Autocross, you say?

Chteelers > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 17:15

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More of this. Less of street racing :)

718Rogue > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 18:31

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Lol the most racelike scenario I've been in on city streets is parents' stock 06 Mazda3 2.3 hatch against a 2nd gen Eclipse with a bodykit and exhaust... I downshifted slowing down for a red light and the Eclipse which had just turned onto the road heard and started revving at me; I was beating him easily but he kept trying until an Escalade pulled out into his lane, then he had no choice but to get behind me. On an empty Valley Blvd. in La Puente. Oh and lost to friend's lightly tuned Integra LS sedan and a random Civic Si on 71S in Chino Hills. Forgot what time it was but the highway was very empty. Stupid 118mph limiter...

On SoCal's famous GMR, barely kept up downhill with a TRD Camry that runs regularly and is tuned for the touge, spun out chasing a highly tuned AE86 uphill on East Fork :< ... lost to a tuned first gen MX-5 downhill on backside by a few seconds, aaand I think that's all the times I've ran hard. Oh and dusted a stock first gen MX-5 on Hwy39 upper section uphill.

In other peoples' cars:

Friend's former 1988 Celica: beat an AE92 (industrial area in Bell Gardens), lost badly to tuned Z33 (or Z34, can't remember which) on PCH in Eastside Long Beach.

Friend's dad's 04 Acura TL: beat a random Civic Si and Integra Type R/clone hitting 135mph on a completely empty 60E past 3am in LA.

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 20:37

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You think so?

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier 08/28/2014 at 22:04

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If it has the Duratec, then it was already within shouting distance of the Buick's power when new, but I doubt it has as much wear and tear on it as the LeSabre does.

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 22:20

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I do have Duratec.....173,xxx miles.

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier 08/28/2014 at 23:01

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So you had 200hp new, after 172k miles that's probably down to ~180 or so. I had 205hp new, but I have 222k miles so I'm probably about equal. Though I've done a few things to get some of that back in the form of a tune, exhaust, and an intake that is laughably huge.

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 23:07

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I've got my intake thingy (REALLY F'IN loud at night) on the Sable, soon to have an exhaust...

Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To > ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier 08/28/2014 at 23:11

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My dad always wondered "if an intake has all of these benefits then why isn't it stock?"

Then I started up my car for him with that big K&N filter on it, and the cacophonous noise that resulted gave him an answer.

Seriously.

It's huge.

ShelbyRacer78-Fusion Modifier > Jake - Has Bad Luck So You Don't Have To 08/28/2014 at 23:17

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I think it would be an interesting race though!